Men’s Struggles: Coping with Life’s Lows

Men are often perceived as having tougher personalities, with societal expectations encouraging emotional suppression from a young age. This reluctance to express feelings means many men avoid seeking help when faced with stress or emotional challenges. While Movember—a month dedicated to men’s health—is a great opportunity to spotlight these issues, it’s crucial to address men’s mental and physical health year-round.

Real Men Don’t Cry": Are Gender Stereotypes Hurting Men?

In Chinese-speaking cultures, boys are often raised with the belief that “real men don’t cry” or that they should “shed blood, not tears.” Such gender stereotypes instill the habit of suppressing emotions early on. According to the renowned book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, men and women cope with emotions in vastly different ways. Women are generally better at expressing themselves and may find relief from sharing their worries with friends. Men, however, tend to bottle up their feelings, avoiding vulnerability even with close family or friends.

Men’s Mental Health

Men’s mental health warrants greater attention. According to the US National Institutes of Health, women are diagnosed with depression at twice the rate of men. However, this disparity may partly stem from men’s reluctance to acknowledge or seek help for their struggles, leading to seemingly lower numbers of diagnosed cases (underdiagnosis and/or underreporting).

Studies across various countries reveal that men are three times more likely to die by suicide than women. Some psychiatrists suggest that men under immense pressure, fear showing weakness, worrying it might drive others further away. Family and societal expectations—such as the pressure to achieve—can exacerbate these struggles, leaving men trapped in prolonged low points.

Men Are Less Likely to Seek Help

Various gender stereotypes make men less likely to seek help for emotional challenges, often leading to the following behaviours:

Falling for Scams
During career setbacks, unemployment, or financial struggles, men may fall easy prey to scams, such as fraudulent investments or pyramid schemes. Desperate for quick fixes, they avoid confiding in others and make impulsive decisions, increasing their vulnerability.
Infidelity
Some men, unwilling to share their pain with their partner, may seek solace in the company of strangers. This temporary escape from their struggles can provide a false sense of control and the illusion of being capable of caring for someone else.
Escapism through Hobbies or Addictions
To avoid confronting their emotions, men might immerse themselves in hobbies or habits, such as video gaming or excessive drinking. Without self-discipline, these distractions can spiral into harmful addictions.
Anger and Outbursts
Expressing anger can act as a defence mechanism to mask deeper pain and fear. While society may view anger as a sign of strength, it often conceals emotional vulnerability.

Supporting Men’s Mental and Physical Well-being

Psychologists note that many men who seek counselling only do so after experiencing prolonged emotional distress—sometimes leading to depression, relationship breakdowns, or addictive behaviours. Since men often struggle to articulate their feelings, they may yearn for care and understanding but find it challenging to communicate their needs.

How can men relieve stress and improve their mental and physical health? What Emotional Management Strategies Can They Use?

Gentle Physical Contact and Companionship
Psychologists have conducted studies asking couples to simulate scenarios where one partner provides support to the other under stress. Results showed that physical touch and simply being present are more effective at reducing anxiety than talking, which can sometimes escalate conflicts.
Addressing Addictions
Many addictions stem from unresolved emotional gaps. For example, gaming addiction may compensate for a lack of fulfilment at work. Tackling such issues often requires professional psychological therapy or medication prescribed by a psychiatrist to regulate dopamine levels in the brain.
Exercise, Mindfulness, and Nature
Many men use work as a distraction, chasing achievements and recognition. However, chronic stress from work and life can lead to sleep deprivation and emotional burnout. Incorporating regular exercise, mindfulness practices, or spending time in nature can boost dopamine and serotonin levels, helping to relax the mind and body.
Proactive Health Checks
As men enter middle age, they may face health concerns such as prostate enlargement, obesity, or reduced libido. Regular annual check-ups from the age of 30 can help address potential problems early and promote better overall health and vitality.

Five Practical Emotional Management Techniques

Suppressing emotions is detrimental to mental health. Here are five practical and effective ways for men to manage their emotions:

Exercise: Physical activity is a healthy outlet for stress and promotes the release of endorphins, which improve mood.
Journaling: Writing down thoughts and feelings is an excellent way to reflect and process emotions.
Meditation: Meditation helps slow down racing thoughts, relax the body, and better understand inner needs.
Creative Expression: Activities like painting, music, or sculpting offer creative ways to release emotions and enhance self-awareness.
Focusing on What You Can Control: Learn to distinguish between what’s within your control and what isn’t and focus your energy on manageable aspects of life to reduce anxiety.

Emotions on the Brink: Count to Three to Control Anger

If your emotions are about to spiral out of control or you’re struggling to suppress an outburst, the following methods can help you effectively manage anger and avoid impulsive actions you might regret.

Count to Three
When anger surges, pause for three seconds to reflect. This brief moment can prevent impulsive reactions that you might later regret.
Step Outside and Breathe Deeply
Fresh air, calming scents, or soothing music can help alleviate anger and regain composure.
Engage in Physical Activities
Release anger through activities like running or boxing. Alternatively, take a cold shower or drink cold water to calm down.
Talk About It
Sharing your thoughts with a counsellor or even someone less familiar can bring clarity and help you cool off.

Conclusion

Both men and women experience emotional ups and downs, but gender stereotypes often teach men to suppress their feelings, making it harder for them to seek help. Professional support from psychologists and psychiatrists can be invaluable in helping men process their emotions and return to their loved ones with renewed strength and positivity. Feel free to book an appointment with our psychiatrists for further guidance.

Movember Special: Sometimes, Men Need Help Too

References

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